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Ducking Wilder Responds:
Whatever happened to T&J?Dear Mr. Wilder,
Whatever happened to T&J? Were they a flash in the pan, a one
trick pony? Where did they go? What was the matter with them in the
first place? These questions gnaw at me like a dog gnawing a bone.
Please answer quickly. I can't sleep nights wondering. Norm Norman
Hello, Norm,
You have a unique name. I do not recall ever having been acquainted
with a Norm Norman. Are you from Oregon? I would expect the name is
quite common in Oregon though it is uncommon elsewhere. I have never
visited Oregon, but I have heard, through various sources, a
substantial portion of the Beaver State population possesses the name.
I have pondered your questions seriously, and because of my serious
pondering, I have not answered you "quickly." I determined you would
prefer a few extra "sleepless nights" to a hasty and incomplete reply.
You see there are many angles to your questions. The answers they
provoke are multi-faceted and complex. So in order to allow for
multiple facets without facetiousness, I ignored your dilemma of
insomnia in order to provide the fullest explanation.
You apparently have some ideas of your own. Phrases like "flash in
the pan" and "one trick pony" suggest you have been privy to
unsubstantiated rumors leading you to a premature supposition. If so,
you are to be commended for seeking the facts.
T&J exist as they always have existed - in reasonable stability,
esteemed members of our alphabet, albeit separated by 1/5th of the
vowels and almost ½ the consonants. Their usefulness remains highly
regarded by writers in various Indo-European languages. In English, the
two letters do not exist side by side in the context of a single word.
However, and this is particularly interesting, in a small, Russian
Orthodox chapel in what was once and again known as St. Petersburg
(between the years of the Russian Revolution and 1991, the city was
known as Leningrad), a large glass vessel containing a hodgepodge of
saintly relics, when translated from the Cyrillic, is known simple as
The Tjar. This is the only instance of the two acting in conjunction to
form a word.
However, as I have said, the questions you pose insist upon
different answers. There is another T&J, or was, or always will be.
Allow me to explain.
The story begins in St. Louis, in the late portion of the first half
of the last century. Two boys, twin sons of different mothers, loners
except for their friendship, embarked on a journey which would deliver
them into the maw of online literary magazines in the later years of
the past millennium. The story is long and tedious. You can imagine, as
it spans several decades. I will summarize by presenting you with a few
highlights:
An open boxcar
A torn five-dollar bill
A work shed filled with pump handles
A whore or, perhaps, several
Calamine lotion
Pirates
You get the picture. Has there been an end to this illustrious
association? Rest assured, the answer is no. They endure. They endure
in our memory like Martin and Lewis, Rick and Renault, Hitler and
Goering. Their achievements will continue to influence long after you
have fallen asleep. No, T&J's association cannot be said to have
ended, nor their feats considered one trick or pan-flash. The
surreality into which they twisted the thinking minds of a generation
will ensure no end comes of T&J.
Where are they now? I have it on the QT, T&J are, even as you
begin to drift into slumber, leaping into an open boxcar, a five-dollar
bill and one bottle of calamine lotion between them, running from a
work shed full of pump handles, looking for a whore, perhaps several,
jick-jacking the pretentious and consorting with pirates, being pirates
themselves. Ducking
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